flow

I like businesses that don't answer the phone at lunch

Sunglasses are in order
to look at my
tight
shiny
scrubby scrub scrubbed
face

If I Were Mayoress of New York

I would

ban all franchises

establish commercial rent control

crash real estate market and cap rent

ban all public advertising

create more pedestrian only streets

throw city sponsored big parties, lots of music, lots of dance, lots of love

ssshhhhhh

Describing joy is really hard
hard to put into words
the feeling that you feel when you feel joy
it doesn't happen all the time
it's like a fleeting instant kind of thing
that pops up now and again
unplanned
hard to sustain
eventually it kinda fades
no matter how hard you try to keep up
i felt incredibly joyful siting at Le Gamin today
alone.
there it is.
said it.
apart from my kids. pablo. my life. free
being alone i felt free and joyful.
it is really important to be alone.
we can't think if we are not alone.
unless youre that buddhist couple that lives in a yurt
and stays no more than three feet away from each other at all times
and manages
they must hafta mediatate a lot
so they can think
its no wonder
thoreau retreated away to walden pond
and nietzsche et al
ponder solitude
moses, buddha, jesus, mohammed, kafka, rilke
retreated
freedom from constraints
and freedom to engage in desired activities
i however devote a significant amount of time and attention to cultivating relationships
having and raising and spending lots of time with my children definitely contributes
i need to find away to balance my energy
solitude featured by physical isolation, social disengagement and reflection

My Blessings

Luna is so excited
I said she could play with my make-up
Can i even use your eyeshadow ? she whispered incredulously
Uh-huh
Ran off
Came back and looked at me again
just to doublecheck
next thing i know i a clown with fuschia eyebrows penciled in on top of the hair ones
thats for your lips Lun
? her eyes said
I signaled above my eyes
it's for your lips.
oh.
i guess someone has to teach you you're not supposed to layer every shade of lipstick on top of the other
that you don't need to put on all of your different colors at once
she'll figure it out.

into the future

gettin a tatoo seems no big thing these days
at least not in the east village
there are new parlors openin up
shoot
i dont remember anyone in high school havin one
college? not really either
tha was that time and place.
zoom up
i feel like such the minority in my uninked skin
stats say somethin like 40% of peeps my age have one
imagine
2050
when were all hangin at the beach with the grandkids
sunnin our leathered
inked skin
gramas and grandpas as far as the eye can see
inked up
wont that be a sight

Erykah Badu

she is my latest inspiration
unlike Frida she's got two kids to reckon with and work into her game
something i can relate to
it is a long labor, this birth of Me
i feel constipated with this birth of Me
as if some mental block will not let it come forth
if only i had a due date
to meet
i work so well under pressure
i play it out in my mind
walking around with the visions of Me
Whole
sick feeling fragmented
Build myself an altar of women
muses
idols, pin-ups and heroines
Escape the rules
recline on a fuschia velvet chaise
with a pile of books stacked around me
lets just leave it at that
for Now

Its Not a Spectator Sport

I have really been nourishing my interest in cooking lately and it feels so fulfilling to do so. Cooking for myself was less interesting when I was single and less fun pre-summer 06 when our kitchen hadn't been renovated and that teeny 18 inch stove just wasn't cuttin' it. But now that both Luna and Lukas are older,and I've got counter space, some decent burners and a few systems in place that facilitate meal makin', its a full on affair around 1W. Im diggin' the menu plannin' and getting my ingredients ahead of time for the week and the creation of food that feeds my family with nourishment and love. Corny, but true.
I find myself gravitating to many familiar Spanish dishes, meals and ingredients my mom used to use when I was comin' up. Like lately I've been makin' stews and soups a few nights a week - chickpea, lentil, white bean, potato leek,you name it. Hey as long as you've got olive oil, garlic, and onion to start it'll be good. What's wild is that it's all straight up Pilar(my mom)and in that way I feel like cooking is an heirloom she's passed me that I don't want to disrespect by ignoring it or throwing it away. Its a way to express and preserve my cultural identity and connect with my ancestors. Bonding with my mom around cooking is a whole other thing. She gets psyched when I call her up and tell her about some swiss chard I bought and does not tire in repeating the recipe for her garlic chicken. Making cooking regularly a priority is an indication to her that I've got it under control, that things are stable and in order.
As Michael Pollan writes, food is about pleasure, family and spirituality and about expressing our identity as much as it is about biological necessity. Luna's been saying she wants to be a chef when she grows up lately and it makes me glad to know I may be succeeding at inculcating why she should advocate for us eating in.

resolutions

more cooking
more dancing
more yoga
more writing
more art
more reading
less online shopping
less hiding
crochet

vexed

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/02/business/worldbusiness/02japan.html

Is a childs educational "success" the sum of all the numbers she has memorized?
what good is knowing a ton of facts if you can't think for yourself.
if you can't reason critically.
problem solve.
think outside the box.
be curious.
these "model" schools irritate me so. children need to be encouraged to wonder.Approach the world with confidence and questions not stressed to find the "right" answer. otherwise we will only raise a generation of follwers

Maria

The more you smoke the more you realize the less chill you are

I Wanna be the next Obama Girl

click the invisible box above.
really this is just brilliant. its too damn funny
when i first heard obama speak last summer i was hooked. still am.
He may not have the resumee and experience of Hil but let us not underestimate the power of words.
Words can inspire.
Words can have the power to move and mobilize the apathetic or disaffected.
And an inspired people are willing and energized to stand up and do the work of democracy. No matter how capable, qualified , intelligent a leader without magic will not succeed.
Yes the Womens Studies major in me questions if patriarchy has me rooting for the man, and im sure it must partake in some factor in my support(at least for the video), but ultimately he is
fresh.

new crayola color

Hysterical Green

drivin around

Checking out san juan I am reminded of what I find to be the visually arresting beauty of worn, chipped porches as they stand in contrast to the antiseptic feel of new construction. the wear and tear as markers of a life transparent. the spirit of new.
When we repainted the apartment last summer i remember feeling struck by the sterility of it all, as if the newly unmarked walls were a thin layer of concealer
i would love to peel away the paint in the corner of a very old home...find the different layers of wallpaper, imagine myself as the infant turned girl turned teen turned lady who had lived under those colors and patterns and soil.

in your mouth

posts to follow are a string of thoughts collected in my moleskine over the past week...



the word mala in Spanish is delicious to say